After a night of debauchery in Las Vegas, a man wakes up in a daze to find a scantily clad woman next to him in bed. On the nightstand, he sees what appears to be a wedding photo of one of the strip’s wedding chapels. He hastily puts on his glasses and covers his mouth in shock as he realizes that he is the one in the photo.
Although the woman’s face is partially covered, you notice the cheap wedding ring on her finger. See an open purse. He rummages in her purse and finds her wallet. He looks at her driver’s license and sees that her first name is Christina; he already knows what his last name is.
And before closing her purse, she finds a pencil-written wide-lined paper that begins with Dear Mom. The now sober man realizes that he is not only a new husband, but also a new stepfather.
How to do it
When a couple goes out, they make a connection and fall in love before deciding to get married. In the same way, if there is a boy involved and your relationship is headed down the aisle, you should start courting your future stepson. For the purpose of establishing a connection and developing a relationship before proposing marriage.
Developing a relationship with a potential stepchild is much easier and less stressful for all concerned when the couple is still considered to be a parent’s boyfriend or girlfriend than when you become a stepparent. If you already have children, your partner needs to understand and be able to accept the fact, it comes as a package.
Don’t be holy
A common mistake many future stepparents make is showering their fiance’s children with gifts in an attempt to buy their affection. The first problem is that children know when someone is trying to buy their love. They are smart enough not to fall for the hook.
The second problem is that the child may start to expect gifts from you all the time and unless he is Daddy Warbucks this will eventually put a strain on his finances. Or worse yet, you contribute to the creation of a spoiled brat who hopes to get everything he wants.
In the end, you risk not achieving your desired results, and your future stepson might resent your attempt to bribe them for your love. A stepchild’s affection and trust come from taking the time and effort to develop a real relationship with them, not from trying to impose them.
Take an interest in your child
One of the best ways to connect with a new stepchild is to take an interest in what interests them. If a child is not open about what he likes, a discussion with the biological father could provide a starting point. If a stepchild is interested in animals, a trip to the zoo might provide a good bonding opportunity.
Older children can be more difficult to pin down and there are fewer opportunities to bond with them. Offering homework help or taking an interest in your favorite video game may not be the strongest start to a relationship, but it is a start.
Involve the child in his interests
While you are interested in the interests of your future stepchild, you can also involve your stepchild in their interests. A child already knows his biological parents and has had many opportunities to become involved with them and their interests. One of the easiest ways to allow a new stepchild into your new or potential stepparent’s life is to let him or her get involved in your interests.
For example, if the future stepmother is part of a bowling league, the children may not mind going bowling and being able to watch or even participate in the game. At the same time, it is important to ensure that the stepchild can spend time with his biological father. This is especially true for children in a joint custody situation.
In joint custody, your stepchildren will only have a limited amount of time to spend with each of their biological parents. You should help ensure that your stepchild maintains a healthy relationship with his biological father and mother.
Take your time
The best gift you can give your new stepchild is time. Remember that your stepson is grieving over the loss of his family nucleus. It will take time for them to get used to the fact that their biological parents no longer live in the same house.
It may take longer for them to accept that one or both parents have found someone else to fall in love with. It will be at least a couple of years before a stepparent can truly build what could be considered a healthy relationship with their stepchildren. This can be easier if the future stepfather begins to connect with the child before the wedding.