The current “atmosphere” of dating and relationships seems to be circulating the feeling of “I want it, but do I want it?” I pass young lovers in Paris (I’m in Paris right now) and I see many couples enjoying the energy of the city and each other, playing flirting games of “I love you” and “What else will you offer me?” and they are really happy. I also pass by others who are reflecting with a friend on how they like this guy or that girl and what the prospect of being with this person and excited about it might be. And it made me wonder what makes us pursue romantic love and affection with a person.
Even though I read and hear a lot of cynicism about dating, the search for lasting love, and marriage or commitment, I still see a lot of people pursuing, enjoying, and loving romantic love. And I am not in the world of online dating. I see it in the streets, parks, bars and venues of Paris. In the couples and families of my building. In the summer holidays of those who travel to France. And on a day-to-day basis, people still hold hands as if there is something deeply satisfying about being with someone.
One of the researchers on romantic love is Dr. Helen Fisher, an anthropologist who has studied the pursuit of romantic love in more than 90 cultures around the world, both present and past. Dr. Fisher’s research has developed hormonal drives and love personality profiles based on the body’s 4 hormones, estrogen, serotonin, testosterone, and dopamine.
What intrigued me about some of Dr. Fisher’s talks is that she still has no answers as to why we pursue romantic love outside of hormonal drive motivators. He has certainly mapped the motivators and says honestly and sweetly that there is still a piece not covered by his research that may explain why for thousands of years of humanity there is such a continuous search, fascination and interest in romantic love, but his research shows that the Obsession for romantic love is constant in all cultures throughout time and the world.
On the streets of Paris, I see young couples joking around and sharing their different points of view as they embrace and connect in what seems like a safe place in a world that is full of many changes. And I reflect to myself that these lovers are in the middle of a period in history that has more changes and more humans on the planet. In her quiet sanctuary to provide solitude for two: a quiet place where two people can engage in the simplest connection activity, two people engaged with each other in the hope or joy that this couple provides a depth of feeling that they cannot find. . in the world. And in that sense, they may also feel the precariousness of resisting their lover, saying no, I don’t like that, and making their lover respond with a deep need or desire to keep their lover happy or maintain their affection. And then I think to myself, but humans have felt and thought they were stuck in the worst moments throughout many periods of history. Paris itself has seen darker days, as many of its museums and sites attest.
Do humans yearn for safety and security with someone in a world where there is no one to truly defend or celebrate them?
I have often wondered, if we yearn for that security as adults, why is the love of our mother or father not enough (if they are alive)? Why do we seek a romantic love other than the love of a loved one? family member. Some of us don’t like our families, so looking for a romantic love interest is a good way to find someone who likes you, celebrates you, validates you, despite your family.
Entering a partner gives you a feeling of anchored to the world and a clear position in social structures. However, when you are single or a free agent, you could be subconsciously perceived as a potential threat to the species, because your role in the tribe is not defined or defined, as if you could steal a partner in a partner or provide sexual competition. or interest that undermines a partner’s perceived stability. As a couple, they can be seen as a more stable “economic unit” that is predictable. However, if you are single, you could represent something that is ‘unknown’, your agenda, your ‘orientation’ in the world is not clear. What is your reason for being a sole agent?
The irony is that many people will now face being single for periods after dating, because relationships don’t last a lifetime these days.
Are we at the end of thousands of years where ‘long-term relationship equals lifetime relationship’ means that we cling to an old way of defining ‘security’ as being in a relationship and don’t know how to go further? that?
Many of my older friends who have left a marriage or relationship feel like they have to accept, at some point, that they are okay if they are not in a relationship. And for some, they realize that it is a powerful place to go: a final acceptance of who they are. They can be single or lonely, and they are fine with it and even happy.
However, I still see people of all ages, shine when they meet someone who enlightens them. And that’s the piece that still moves me.
Here are my thoughts on why we, as a human race, continue to believe in romantic love (despite the political climate, the planet’s atmosphere, or modern dating and its pitfalls):
two humans bonding with him expect Bringing out the best in others satisfies a deep human need to know and experience oneself as a kind, generous, flawed and, despite flaws, acceptable human being that can make another person feel the same and even create the opportunity for that. person you love to be more than they are.
And for some, it is motivated by the desire for this person to accept you and bring out a part of you that you simply cannot find for yourself, but you suspect, intuit, believe and hope that this other person will find a way to Manifest this hidden part of yourself.
exist no many places in our adult lives where we play that role for each other.
Another way of putting romantic love is that it is our unconscious impulse and the need of our soul to discover what is hidden from us that the hope of romantic love offers the opportunity to become closer and intimate.
I, for one, am a believer in romance.
However, I don’t expect romance to be ‘straightforward’ because the best intentions, unless driven by some common sense skills on how to treat a human being, cannot live up to the ideals of romantic love.
I am really interested in knowing why You can be a believer or a fan of romantic love.
Let me know your motivations – comment on this blog post. Or email me at [email protected]